Elgin Marbles were made by Englishman, claims Oxford don

By Percy Flarge, 
Artnose Cultural Heritage correspondent 

THE ELGIN MARBLES were made by an English sculptor and are therefore definitively English and should stay in Britain, according to new research by the renowned Oxford archaeologist Dr Rex Tooms. 

Dr Tooms's research has uncovered fresh evidence that Pheidias, the Greek sculptor of the Parthenon Marbles (above right) was not in fact Greek at all, but an itinerant worker of British extraction named Philip Davies who settled in Athens around 453 and who changed his name to Pheidias in order to insinuate himself into Athenian social and artistic circles.  

Dr Tooms discovered "crucial and irrefutable material evidence" of Pheidias's likely nationality while excavating the foundations of a modest villa on the outskirts of Athens earlier this summer. A terracotta cup, items of silverware and a pair of surprisingly well-preserved sandals - all of which have been removed to the British Museum for 'safekeeping' together offer an eloquent testimony to Pheidias's true genealogy, according to Dr Tooms. 

Tooms is now pressing for the return of the entire Parthenon to Britain. "Every last brick and pediment belongs in Britain," he said. "Bringing the Parthenon back to Britain will do wonders for inner city regeneration." Plans are already being drawn up to relocate the ancient temple to the West Midlands where it will be developed into a shopping centre and multiplex cinema.

The inscriptions on the recently discovered objects are startlingly specific. "My name was Phil Davies, but I changed it to Pheidias" reads the script on the underside of the terracotta cup, while a silver dish bears the legend, "Phil Davies (Pheidias) made me as a tribute to Athena". 

  A Greek restaurant

Archaeologists now say that Phil Davies was the son of an itinerant iron-age donkey-breeder from what is today Abbotsbury on the Dorset coast. He arrived in Athens as part of a northern trading convoy and after changing his name to Pheidias, rose swiftly through the ranks of Athenian artists, winning increasingly important civic commissions on account of his prodigious natural talent as a silversmith and ivory-carver, before being appointed director of the Periclean Building Programme around 447BC.  

Meanwhile, in a daring proprietorial gesture, curators at the British Museum, convinced of the veracity of Dr Tooms's evidence, have stamped each piece of the Parthenon Frieze with the words 'MADE IN ENGLAND' in large red letters. The Davies Marbles, as they are likely to become known, will be cleaned with high-pressure steam water jets next month in an effort to return them to their pure Hellenic whiteness.  

Percy Flarge
Artnose Cultural Heritage Correspondent

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