British artist incarcerated 
in Fourth Plinth

By our public sculpture  correspondent 
Damien Formaldehyde

The famous British sculptor Sir Antony Gormley, MFI, B&Q, RSI, has been accidentally incarcerated in the concrete block known as the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square (right).

The tragedy occurred as Mr Gormless was addressing the nation about the state of society and the need to include members of the general public in the charade, er sorry, celebratory panoply, of contemporary art.

Mausoleum

“That’ll shut him up,” said London Mayor Mr Boris Godunov, who wept tears of joy at the foot of the vacant pedestal.

As a jeering crowd of wannabe orators assembled wearing culottes and red neck scarves, a tiny bleating voice could be heard from within the stony tomb: “Through elevation onto the plinth and extraction from the ebb and flow of the quotidian routines of daily life, each member of the public will become a symbol of the social fabric, a microsmic synechdochic representation of the polis,  allowing us to reflect on the myriad beatitudes of life on earth and to brave the vicissitudes that befall us everyday on our quest for spiritual peace and harmony while making me even more famous and richer than I already…”

At this point, a squad of Royal Engineers appeared from the direction of Horse Guards Parade and planted high-powered explosives around the foot of the plinth. 

Seconds later, following a thunderous blast that sent the Masaccios and Fra Angelicos tumbling from the walls of the Sainsbury Wing, the Fourth Plinth exploded in a shower of concrete.

Gormenghast had gone. The crowd cheered and went back to work.

Damien Formaldehyde

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