“Like the Rosetta Stone, he is part of the French national patrimony,” purred French Culture Minister Carlotta Bruni. “It is time we repatriated him."

After a brilliant season in charge of the Mets, where he excelled in building defensive walls against marauding nationals, ‘Monty’ as he is known in the dressing-room, eventually lost in a thrilling, nailbiting final of the Euphronius Cup. He was said to be devastated to see the trophy return to arch rivals, Italy and chose to retire as a result.

Among those pipped to assume Mr da Montebeltro’s crown at the Met was James 'Bruiser' Cuneiform, manager of the Chicago Bulls. However, he is no longer considered a contender after being sent off in an epic confrontation with an international Retentionist XI made up of brilliant strikers from developing nations.

Ronaldiño Arcimboldo