Private museums "more ubiquitous than satellite dishes," says new report

By Artnose’s tireless investigative reporter, Martian Bylaw

Private museums are being opened at a rate of one every ten seconds, according to a new report from the Paul Gascoigne Institute of Social Research. 

Death Wish

“Not satisfied with having teetering mountains of cash, the world’s wealthiest people now want to inflict their appalling taste on the rest of us,” says the report’s author, Amy Winebar.

Stuffed full of terrible paintings by the likes of Jack Vettriano, Robert Lenciewicz and Cy Twombly, private museums are exacerbating the global credit crisis and could lead to tsunamis, tornadoes and world famine, say researchers.

Sir Michael Winner, (OBE, BFI, BSE, MRI) the epicurean film director famous for his gentle, thought-provoking, perceptive art-house movies: Death Wish I, II, III, VI, V, VI, VII, VII, IX (OK, we get the picture, - Ed) has been paid several million pounds by the Arts Council to reconsider his decision to leave his own collection to the nation.

Mr Winner’s museum, based in a £65,000 semi-detached bungalow in Acacia Avenue, Maida Vale, contains several priceless pieces of movie memorabilia including Charles Bronson’s underpants, Marilyn Monroe’s cat litter tray, Marlon Brando’s toothbrush holder, and a shed-load of second-rate Victorian paintings of sheep.

Martian Bylaw

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